Unsolicited Photography

I participated in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving and I keep getting emails from Brightroom photography saying that I should buy prints of the photos. Just today they sent me an email that said, "A photo makes a great Valentine's Day gift!" and provided the link to my pictures.

I'm not one of those people who looks sexy or cute or tough when I run. I would say I look more like Gumby.

The morning of the Turkey Trot the sky opened up and POURED, so not only do I run like Gumby, but imagine that I am COMPLETELY soaked wearing a black sports bra under my noticeably see-through white Turkey Trot top while my pants are sticking to my healthy thighs in the worst possible way. As these are action shots, 4 or of 7 of them have me soaring about 2 inches above the asphalt while my torso and my hips face opposing direction, much like Egyptian hieroglyphics.

So, yes Brightroom, I would love to send these prints to some of the guys I'm interested in so that they will see how sporty and committed I am and will want to date me soooo much more.

Can't wait for the mud run obstacle course I'm doing in June, maybe I can send out Christmas cards from those pictures.

Toothpaste

I need to buy more toothpaste, it's reached a critical point. My hand has actually started cramping because I keep trying to squeeze that last bit of paste out of the tube using my brute strength and persuasive expletives to no avail.

To do list:

• Buy toothpaste
• Wash car
• Do something meaningful with life

The Albino Bamboo

I should not be given anything that counts on me to sustain it's life.
I have this bamboo plant that has been alive for about 5 years. The story is that my sister Lisa moved away to England leaving the young and growing charge in my care.
The only thing the bamboo needs is water every month or so. Yes, every MONTH or so. Which means my responsibilities center upon remembering 12 or less times a year to transport the plant to my bathroom, fill it's glass vase with water and watch it live on.
The other day I got the idea that, despite the fact that it has been doing fine without sunlight for the last half decade, it probably would like a chance to flex it's chlorophyll power. Transporting it outside, I left it for a few hours (ok, 2 days) to gather some rays. When I come back, the bamboo is... well, it's...white. Completely white. My beautiful green bamboo has become albino.

The evidence would force us to deduce that I am the cause of all the recent plant murders at my house. My sister hopes I never have kids because I would probably treat them the same as I treat my plants. I.e. The novalty wears off and neglect settles in causing either desease or decay... When the sad scene becomes an embarassment to my homemaking skills, I take my mostly dead plant/ child over to my mother's lush garden/ home and place it somewhere inconspicuous so she will think that it was her plant/ child that she forgot about and adopt it into her care.

I should never be given anything alive.

The Army of the Unemployed

Joining the Army of the Unemployed, I have decided to waste my time wisely by creating a blog. I am actually the type that hates blogs because, when it comes down to it, they almost never include witty references to me.

This is my journal that only the committed and curious gossipers will truly enjoy.